Lets start with where you are at: do you find yourself focusing often on what troubles you about your daughter? Fearing she may be developing too fast/slow? Worrying she is exposed to too much/little? Comparing her to peers and wishing she was more like so-and-so?
We live in a society that is quick to compare and judge. We may not buy into the culture’s ideals of beauty and body shape, but we know exactly where we fall short in comparison… We may not be perfectionists, but we are acutely aware of the empty half of the glass.
For some reason this ailment is strongest when it comes to our daughters. Perhaps because we love her so much, we think that if she had it “right” she will have no obstacles on her way. Unfortunately, we hardly think she has it “right”…
Indeed, this thought pattern stems from loving your girl, and wishing her the best. The question, though, is whether this mode of operation is empowering for her? I believe we will all agree it is not…
How do we start seeing the full half of the glass?
The simplest answer is: by starting to look there! What I mean by this is an invitation to cultivate a daily practice of focusing on what is great about your daughter!
We must all admit that the process of noticing where our girls fall short is an unconscious one, which happens automatically in our daily stream of thought. This invitation is to deliberately:
· Catch yourself focused on what is not desirable about your daughter (behaviors, appearance, attitude etc.)
· Deliberately shift your thought to that which is admirable about her
· Practice a morning/evening Magic Minute
What is the Magic Minute practice?
One of the 7 principles of Huna – the ancient Hawaiian Shamanic tradition – states: Energy Flows Where Attention Goes. This means that whatever you give your attention to – will grow.
The Magic Minute is a practice I developed for short sound-bites of focused thought.
Start wherever you are: waking up in the morning, washing dishes, driving your car… Call your attention to anything and everything about your daughter that you love, enjoy, admire, take pleasure in, appreciate, approve of, respect, value, are grateful for…
Once you start, the list becomes endless!
You may begin by taking a moment to recall your daughter’s smile… remember a moment you shared (recently or years ago) that was pure joy… think of one of the first words she uttered as a baby, or the first step she took on her own… and let yourself be carried away from there… One warm thought leads to another, and before you know it your Magic Minute stretched to ten, and your heart is singing your daughter’s praise.
The most rewarding part of this practice is how good you start feeling about your girl. The unsuspected bonus is that she, in turn, will start behaving in ways that are far less annoying to you…
Like the plants in the famous experiment, which grew strong and healthy as a result of people’s loving thoughts of them, so will your daughter respond to your thought in subtle yet powerful ways.
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© 2011-2012 DeAnna L’am, All Rights Reserved
